I am a bit too complicated for my own self. Its 1 18 am in the morning, and I know what I should be doin but I won't....I know tomorrow is the deadline but I know I can get away with not submitting it. I'm tired and I know I'm going to hit the sheets rillly soon.....knowing Ive done nothing.....and the thoughts of my exams drawing closer jus drives me mental. Thing is that I dont even really know what it is that I have to do. All 0f a sudden, a friend and I rnt close nemore....and sometimes it jus takes a lil bit of that comfort of a good friend to get you going mentally. I cant make it for chemistry 2mor morning.....cos I'm not goin to be able to wake up that early. Gill's gonna get cross but then who cares? My exams r a bit too close for me to bother bout the classes. Thats rily wrong mentality I know....but sometimes I cant help myself. I wish I could talk to a friend who genuinely wanted to know how I felt. Things I feel are sometimes so embedded in my subconscious that it takes me quite some time to realise what I want...like that I'm actually hungering for some personal comfort from a very good friend....and I think thats what I rily want right now. Figures.....I sent quite a number of texts today....and I was wondering y exactly it was I was doing that. I called a few as well...I'm dead broke again.....as in DEAD broke....have sent an SOS to Dr AJ, my first one in about seven months...ive been a ril good gurl....my Interview's on tuesday and I don't feel ne apprehensive....but pple keep talkin like I shud b....and I hope its not greater a deal than I expect it to be. If the Interview's on wednesday that means I dont have chemistry again....and that means I dont have chemistry all of this week. I guess Ive been quite a good gurl, cos Ive submitted my Extended essay, world Lit, and TOK essay...or maybe I'm feeling a bit too good cos Patrick thot I was a good gurl....like he said, and Anthony said well done. Not like I didn HAVE to o! Last week I remember thinking I had such a range of options and that I was so lucky....and today I'm thinkin where did they all scamper to? cos I see them nowhere, and feel not what I thot it was I felt. OOh but Nory's party was hot....one of the best in the whole of Pesta....or maybe my own personal best....no denying that I had fun tho...I'm soo tired at night these days that I can hardly step out of my day clothes and find a suitable night shirt....To think of my spanish orals is to give myself a very bad heartache, and thats the truth. What happened to all my spanish? Donde esta mi espanol? I cant get myself organised....cant get myself focused and composed!!! and I def need a motivation....I dont even know if that would do it now....I must have lost it a long time ago. University decisions come in about 3 weeks.....then do I know my fate....I hope I dont regret not applying to IUB....so many things going through my mind....and I refuse to let them all bother me at once....and so I have to filter out the most important....and when I get back to the others theyre deadlines r long gone. I think I complain too much....or maybe I really do have much to complain about. I think I take life too seriously....I need to calm down...and see the colour in the fields when I run past every morning...see the vast landscape, and enjoy the beginnings of a spring that wll define my life. I'm psychologically tired....I need a break....probably after the IB....Europe...Nigeria!! See the people that mean soo much in my life. My mummy!! my sisters!! my brothers....my daddy!! my own bed!! and just the feeling that I was home...wow!! I'm dreaming already. School sucks man....its 1 45, and I still have done no project....gonna play me some jewel miner and head for bed...everythins addictive for me Noryang thinks..solitaire....jewel miner....music;...."emotional"......"if you were mine"...."dreams"......so many themes....so many messages....Nothing's straight forward, its all so complicated....I wonder how people manage to keep abreast of the game and keep cool....they had companions probably.....I'd actually PAY someone now to soothe me and ease me of my stress.....I best just have a massage then...I'm out man!!! I'm drained!!